300

I wake up. It’s 7:30. I give myself a stretch, and contemplate my sleep. I check my fitbit for its sleep prognosis, and then allow this to influence my energy levels.

Today is going to be a good day. “Thank you for giving me another day” I say. I boil the kettle for my caffetiere coffee; today’s being an organic blend of Arabica ground coffee. Boasting a strength of ‘4’ may I add.

I ignore the anxiety fluttering within me, partnered with the grinding of my teeth, and I sit back and sip my morning motivator.

The anxiety is brewed from a combination of the excitement of all the possibilities that I could endeavour today, and the realisation that I only have a remaining 16 hours until these opportunities expire, and I am then back at work.

Every Sunday. This is it. Groundhog Sundays.

Now, there is something ever so satisfying with my Sundays consisting of this sense of overwhelming noise which always seems to fill me; Imagine ‘Bach’s Toccata and Fugue in D minor’.

I’ve always been filled with anxiety. To the brim. With an extra shot of over-thinking, and a sprinkling of uncertainty.

The satisfying thing is, however, that this anxiety is no longer powered by the endless opportunities which I have missed out on, and the dread of the day ahead after the night before.

Today marks my 300th day without these thoughts. My 43rd Sunday enjoyed with a mug of coffee as opposed to identifying myself as a mug.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not ‘cured’. I’m human. As I type this, I continue to grind my teeth as if they were peppercorns held in a mortar and pestle.

On this 300th day, I realise that even though I am still me, I have become a more filtered, and purer version of myself. A better quality of me. I have become more organic. I’ve learnt to take everything that I am, and what I experience, and I feel infused with energy, quality and a sense of richness. On a scale of 1-4, I reflect an inner strength similar to my Arabica coffee; a solid 4.

I still have my anxiety. My Sunday blues. My panic for the Monday madness, and what’s in store for the week ahead, but, this is now harmonised with self-belief, reassurance and confidence. I will complete tasks rather than hide from them; I will face fears with reassurance and comfort as opposed to isolating them; I will cross the finish line rather than withdraw from the ‘race’, and in my own time.

My mug of coffee is half full. No longer half empty. I am thankful for the last 300 days. Sunday Funday as they say.

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